Letting go of the wheel.

I apologize for the long respite from blogging.  Things have been kind of crazy around here.  Things I am not quite ready to blog about just yet, but hopefully soon I will be.  This morning was an extremely stressful morning for me trying to get all 4 kids ready for church in the morning can really try my patience at times and this was definitely one of those mornings and when you compound the stress I am already going through it is like a bomb waiting to explode at times.  And unfortunately my son broke the last straw and had Mt Mama erupt on him.  Something I am by no means proud of, but I am not going to pretend like I always have it all together and never lose it because I do.  ( and no I did not strike him so no calls to 241-kids please;) But my words were probably more harmful than any spanking would have been.  I wish that I could take it back, but I can't.  I can apologize and let him know that that kind of behavior is unacceptable even from mommy and hope I did not damage him to much.  The stress I have been under is enormous and that is when I realize that once again I have picked up burdens that I am not suppose to carry.  I am not big enough or strong enough to carry this burden.  I really just give myself to much credit sometimes, because I do have a lot of faith in my abilities.  And I know God is trying to show me that He has this NOT me.  I need to leave it in His hands and stop butting in and trying to take over for Him, because I usually am just getting in the way anyway.  It's amazing just how many times we have to give it back to Him.  When will I get it?  I have thick skull at times and it takes a while to get through to me.  It is so miserable to always be worrying  anyway why do I torture myself with it?  What does it really change?  It doesn't change anything, but my attitude and it definitely does not change that for the better.  So once again I am stepping out of the drivers seat and letting Jesus take the wheel because he knows the route a lot better than I do.  I am fumbling around in the dark and He can actually see where we are headed.